Week 17 – Up and Down and UP


How come I seem to fall flat on my face after every high?

This is Monday.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday & Sunday I was on a great Spiritual high. I was having great, positive life changing thoughts. What a wonderful interlude.

Monday

I decided to do my “aweber” add on to my blog after work. I got started on it, but forgot the “save” button. So I started again. Today, I had my list saved, but needed to get it posted on my blog. Got Davene’s instructions open and started. Got my aweber and blog opened. Listen to Davene for a few minute, go to aweber and follow instructions, back to the instructions, flip to aweber, I should get this done soon. Then…

I had one disaster after another, programs locked up and I even ended up hard booting my computer! Then the negative thoughts started, NO I WON’T THINNK THAT! So, I didn’t but I got a stomach ache. NO I WON’T THINK THAT, I WILL NOT CRY! Success, I didn’t cry. I CAN DO ALL THINGS….. I will not go home until I get this done, with that my mind refocused, I took a deep breath and tried again. I got it done, I would love to say it is right, but after 2 hours, it has a mistake. Somehow I have my offer sentence in there twice – but there is tomorrow.

It takes persistence in positive thoughts to not to succumb to the old thoughts. It takes your mental diet pill, it is hard work, it can be a struggle, but it can be done.

While feeling like I just did battle with a giant, I also feel like I gained a victory over myself and circumstances. I decided to choose my thoughts and not let them rule me.

I defeated my giant.

It was a victorious day after all.

 

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Week 16 Know that we KNOW


I awoke at 3:00 a.m. Thursday morning with a huge headline in my mind, which seemed to transfer itself onto the ceiling.  I saw a huge newspaper headline that read:

“YOU HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST”

1st Corinthians 2:16  For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he should instruct him? But we have the mind of Christ.

This MKMMA class has been a huge challenge to change my way of thinking. I was cemented into negative thoughts about myself. I have gone through periods when I was younger of even hating myself and who I was. I have always had challenges as to my self- worth, and my worth to others and the world.  Coming out of that mental “shadow of death”, the thought that I have the mind of Christ was huge. I lay there thinking, “What would Christ think about?

After an exciting mental adventure, I realized I DO have the mind of Christ. That fact alone makes me worthwhile.  I have heard and read these words for years, but I didn’t “Get it”. After more time, I realized I also have the Spirit of God in me. WOW

Since this epiphany I look on the world with new eyes. This clay vessel HOUSES THE MIND AND SPIRIT OF GOD! I am valuable and worthwhile! Hey, all those folks in my life have the same treasure stored in them, whether they know it, admit or not.

Hearing it over and over, reading it over and over doesn’t do it.

We have to OWN IT; know that we know that we know it.

We can’t own anything with a closed, unthinking mind, stuck in cement. Yes, the process of chipping away at old thought processes is scary and sometimes tedious and slow, but how worth it to see your world change from 2 dimensional black and white photograph to a full color 3 dimensional moving picture!!

“Mental slavery is mental death, and every man who has given up his intellectual freedom is the living coffin of his dead soul.”

Robert Green Ingersoll (1833–1899)

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Week 14 Holidays and Post Cards


Not sure this is the best place to share this, I was going to just e-mail Mark and Davene.But decided to share with you all.

1st of all, I’m amazed at the timing of MKMMA. Here at Christmas and New Years, the most stressful time of the year. Police have more domestic violence calls during this time and more suicide attempts are made. I’m fortunate not to be that stressed out. However, there are the thoughts.

1/         What if she really hates her gift?

2/         Gads, he’s going to have to return that shirt, I didn’t realize he put on that much             weight.

3/         I just couldn’t find the right thing, sending a gift card is so impersonal.

4/         Catastrophe: The ham wasn’t hot all the way through!!

5/         It’s all over, and the Jell-O salad is still in the fridge.

6/         I can’t believe he never told me she was allergic to dogs! Sorry I had to ask them              to go home with just a plate of food and no fellowship. Wow did she ever swell  up.

7/         We spent HOW MUCH??

8/         I’m so glad that it’s all OVER.

Fortunately, this didn’t all happen this year, but it has happened in the past. I was feeling the holiday let down. I started letting my mind go down that path, how come it’s always so negative? I didn’t, I should have, I could have:  done more, tried harder, been nicer, etc.

THEN: Along comes MKMMA I get out my cards – and by gosh, look at all of the things I HAVE done! It has absolutely amazed me how hard it was at first to come up with 2 things I did, now they are popping up all over the place! Good things, Positive things, things that blessed other people and me!

Did Mark and Davene know ahead of time the cards would be so helpful at this sometimes trying time of year? Was it planned?

Make 20 more cards? You’re on – there is good stuff I’ve done over the years that my conscious mind has forgotten – but my good ol’ subconscious hasn’t let me down, it remembers. Looking at my cards, it puts into perspective the holiday.

It really is about Jesus’ birthday. It really is about looking forward to a fantastic New Year. It isn’t all about me.

Thank you Mark and Davene – as you said, each of us learns a different way, the  “card therapy” was really a winner for me!

Happy New Year 2011

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Week 13 – OCEAN WAVES


It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring! Rain, Rain go away, come again some other day!  As I lay in our berth listening to the rain hit the deck, I realized, once again, how the wind and rain come in waves. I was actually able to watch this phenomenon in Alaska. We were up high looking down into the Copper River Highway valley, and could watch the rain blow through in waves. We saw and heard this in Hawaii too.

My life seems to be like the waves. As I started really contemplating the waves I realized it is a beautiful analogy. Waves come in and are powerful, beautiful, causing changes on the beach. Then they recede, seemingly stripping the beach. They swoop, they swirl, they foam. Some of the water gets caught in tide pools, that water seems inert, motionless, dead when compared to the moving waves on the beach. But actually it is quietly birthing tiny creatures, creatures that need the quiet still place to grow in.  

The whole scene is like MKMMA. The exciting rush as your confidence builds, the yahoo at the top of the wave, then that sinking feeling as you head down the other side. I’ve had that foamy feeling too, wondering “what in the world?”, oh and the swirls, I’ve gotten trapped in them too – I go around and around and around, not getting anywhere. Then the tide pools (our still, thinking time). That is truly a birthing place of new thoughts and new thought patterns.

Considering how I use to think of the same scene – I thought I might be a shell on the beach, awaiting a powerful wave to move me. Or maybe I was plant life, again at the mercy of the waves. Then I realized

I AM THE OCEAN, I AM THE WAVES 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

.

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Week 12 – Better listen to that mysterious part of your mind!


My Vision: 

I am walking down the beautiful new walk on SeaView Avenue across the street from where our boat is moored. It’s a lovely day and I have NO pain, am walking at a normal, comfortable pace with Ellie at my side. The sun feels wonderful on my face and the breeze smells just like the ocean.

 This was a dream that has become my new reality. I have had issues with my knees, legs and ankles for 2 years now.  Many times I stood at the beginning of our dock and wondered “How on earth am, I going to make it all 950’ to the boat”?? But, every day, one way or another I made it. Sometimes I had to stop several times and rest. I hated that walk, but I had to make it at least twice a day.      

The Long Walk Home

The Perfect leg

 I strengthened my vision using MKMMA methods. I downloaded a picture from the internet, and used it to visualize normal correct knee and ankle joint and muscles, and put the same picture on my dream board.

I prayed and asked the Lord to heal me. I speak my healing, my healed legs, knees and ankles as I walk back and forth to the boat. “I am healed”, “I am walking with no pain”.  “It is a wonderful day to be walking without any pain”.  “What freedom I experience as I walk briskly along”. All this time I see myself walking along SeaView Avenue on that lovely bike/walking trail.

 Friday, December 17th, 2010. I walked Ellie ½ mile at lunch. On the way home from work, we went to the park pictured and walked another ½ mile. It felt so good to actually be without pain, it was a lovely day so we walked another mile home. After a rest and dinner, we walked up and down the dock just for fun.

Today after walking Ellie, I sat at my computer trying to get caught up on MKMMA stuff and I was going no where fast. I was frusterated and anxious. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong,  I just kept trying to make something happen, but nothing happened – I went backwards, lost stuff, got bumped off the internet etc. etc. FINALLY, I realized my subconsciounce was telling me to take another PAIN FREE WALK.

Admittidely a slow learner, I did as my mind bid and went for a nice brisk  PAIN FREE walk.  Sat back down at my computer and got this blog done!

I thought I was learning what a wonderful thing my mind is, but I do believe I have barely begun to understand this wonderful gift we have been given.

 

 

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Week 11 Getting Packed and going!


Last night’s webinar was just fabulous. Instead of immediately taking my usually tired brain to bed, I sat up and did some computer work, was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I could see Mark’s party in Hawaii and how much fun we were all having.

 Then I’m not sure what happened. I really feel like “something” is trying to keep me from growing. I woke up with a panic attack after two different “dreams”. The first one: I was at the bottom of the television legendary  San Francisco Hill looking up. There was the road, UP the world famous hill, but there were all sorts of road signs, detour signs, do not enter signs, road blocked signs going up the hill preventing me from taking the direct route to the top of the hill. Just looking at all of the detours and other signs kept my feet firmly planted right were they were, at the bottom of the hill.

The next one: Me and my team mates were at the airport. The scene was in the baggage pick up area, there were all of these neatly packed, almost identical back packs standing up around the luggage carrousel – equidistant from each other. Then I spotted mine, fallen over, top flap open and stuff falling out. Mark’s voice “making the next cut” was running over and over and over in my thoughts. Not a nice way to wake up on a Monday morning.

After really thinking it over, I thought, “well, I’ll just give it up now, no reason to keep going, not gonna make it anyway, etc., etc.” I’ll just QUIT. No one really knows me, cares, and it’s no skin off their noses anyway. I’m just too old to figure out all that Twitter, Adder, Blogging, Rolling.  

Hum, we’re having a real mentally healthy Monday morning huh?

As I wondered why I don’t complete my projects, (I have two absolutely gorgeous quilt tops undone and an unfinished oil painting put away plus numerous other unfinished projects), in fact you could say my whole boat is unfinished in some fashion or other. Why is that?

Then EUREKA it came to me. If I complete a project, a quilt, or my painting then it is available for scrutiny and/or criticism. While it is incomplete, unfinished people say “Oh, that will be so nice when it’s done”. I just discovered I NEVER thought, that finished my work might pass muster, it might be as beautiful as I see it in my brain. It could adorn our boat and be beautiful!! I never give myself a chance to fail because I don’t finish things.

If I don’t complete this class, I can blame the leaders, the stupid computer, the dumb twittering, tweeting that no one really understands anyway. I can say “I was just too far behind, to computer challenged, I just couldn’t do it”.

Then what would I have, where will I end up? You got it,

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL.

That “something” that is trying to keep me from growing is ME.

Me Old Blueprint!

 I HATE the roadblocks and detours with a passion, but I HATE WHERE I AM MORE!!

So, my cyber friends, I’m going back to my backpack, gonna re-pack it, put it back in line and  continue with ya’ll on this unusual trip!

 Till next time!!

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Week 9.5 Dreamin’ Shapes – Is This Normal???


I know I’m suppose to MOVE ON with our projects, but my MIND is still working on SHAPES and COLORS. I actually dreamed about them!!!

Round Red – Health
There I was in the car – Oh, the steering wheel is ROUND, CD’s are ROUND, my dash instruments are ROUND, the knobs on my radio/CD player are ROUND, tires, hubcaps, cell phone adapter all round. There in the back seat – a RED blanket – should be the healthiest ride ever huh?

Square Yellow – Spiritual
Do you have any idea of how many square yellow post-it-notes I use and see EVERYDAY? They are everywhere, everywhere!! Never thought coming into work as a Spiritual Experience!!

Rectangle Blue – Helping Others

Picture frames, door mats, vases, plastic totes, tool boxes, silverware chest, trash can, butter dish. I must be doing a LOT of helping

Green Triangles – Money
Darn – $1.00 bill is Green and has a triangle on it! Need lots and lots of these. Don’t have a $100 bill to check out!

The end question is: Do I get overtime for dreaming about this? Does this mean I’m going faster and faster?? Again, how much fun is this???

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